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I'm afraid to twist or yank something I'm not supposed to and break something. I've tried pulling up the little tab on top of the grey piece but it feels like it will break before it detaches anything.

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The grey tab on top, and probably one on the bottom, open to disassemble the cartridge. To remove the entire cartridge, since you've removed the large nut, just grab the entire grey base, twist back and forth while pulling out. There are some "o"rings that seal the cartridge to the valve base and they can stick. Some manufacturers have a small slit or groove in the cartridge where you can use a slotted scewdriver to help pry the cartridge out.

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    Have to add (even though it seems obvious) that you need to make sure the water is off before taking out the cartridge (both hot and cold). If not, you'll get a flood of water, and if the water is flooding out, you won't easily be able to put the cartridge back in place against the water flow. Though be prepared to still get some water coming out as it drains out of the pipe up to the shower head, but that will be low pressure and won't be a lot.
    – Milwrdfan
    Sep 21 at 21:35

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